My Governor Can Kick Your Governor’s Ass
Recently, the Republican governor of Hawaii took a secret trip to Iraq. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin (known affectionately hereabouts as the Red-Star-Bulletin) titled the story: “Lingle cloaks trip to Iraq in secrecy: The governor’s spokesman defends lying about her whereabouts to ensure safety and security”. Besides that egregious title, it is a relatively well written story. What gobsmacked me was tucked away neatly in the last paragraph.
bq. But one legislator raised questions about Lingle, who is Jewish, going to the Muslim country of Iraq.
bq. Sen. Kalani English said he thought it sent the wrong message.
bq. “I am part Russian-Jewish, and I am sensitive to the strains and tensions of the area,” English said. “I thought it strange to send a Jewish woman into a Muslim country—the religious differences are such, I don’t know how she would be effective. She is really showing some insensitivity.”
She is really showing some insensitivity? Are you fucking kidding me, you penis? I nominate Mr. Kalani English for a testicle speedbagging.
As a side note, people with names like ‘Kalani English’ (first name Hawaiian, last name, well, English) tend to be stuck up haoles (white folk) who want to pretend to be Hawaiian for political gain. Last time I checked, ‘English’ has two sounds not available to the Hawaiian tongue, you friggin’ haole impostor.
Who will volunteer to speedbag this faker’s satchel for me?
February 12th, 2004 at 0:35
Here’s his e-mail if anyone would like to drop him a line: kalani@kalanienglish.com (can you believe that?)
February 12th, 2004 at 8:23
I’m in if only so I can saY “I gave someone a testicle speedbagging.” Funny to me by the way is that I constantly get a touch of the dyslexia when I see haoles and read it as aholes. Oh you funny people with your made up words!
February 12th, 2004 at 9:06
Yes, I too am all about this new (to me) idea of testicular speedbagging. That’’s righteous!
February 12th, 2004 at 15:12
Wanting a fair presentation of the facts, I emailed Da Kine’s post to the senator, asking for a response. I got one:
On Feb 12, 2004, at 7:59 AM, Shay Corcoran wrote
I was wondering if the senator would care to respond to this?
Thank You.
From: J.Kalani English
Date: February 12, 2004 1:30:31 PM EST
To: Shay Corcoran
Subject: Re: Respond to Story
Auwe La,I ko”u mana’o, o’oe ka me nana ka haole, no ka mea a’ole ‘oe e ‘ike pono ka ko’u po’e lahui.Nau no ka hewa! Ho’i ‘oe i kahi ‘e!
Wow, Color me impressed. Not only did the Senator respond, he confounded me as well. I replied back:
Thank you for your response. While I have no idea what you said, it has been posted and will hopefully be translated by my brother. He will be properly humiliated and made fun of for generations to come. I must say, I do disagree with your remarks about the governor, but glad you are open to dialogue. I realize I did not include the link for this, it is
http://www.kinshay.com/2004/02/12/00/29/11/index.php
Kinshay.com is my site where my brothers and I post about news stories, our opinions, and the happenings of our lives. There is a comment section on the bottom, please feel free to respond directly there.
Thank you again,Shay Corcoran.
Given I never expected a response, I feel bad as though I mislead the senator into thinking we were a legit news source, though the testicular speed-bagging should be a hint. I thank him now and look forward to Da Kine’s response.
February 12th, 2004 at 15:31
I’ll have an exact translation soon, but basically the good senator is saying that as an outsider, I have no right questioning his street cred.
February 12th, 2004 at 15:32
That’s awesome!
February 12th, 2004 at 16:50
Pa`a ka waha senator.
which part of your russian-jewish ancestry makes you an islander
sen. english, how long does someone have to live in hawaii to legitimately form the opinion that you are a fucking retard ? i apologize in advance to the mentally challenged for comparing them to this arrogant, self-serving, self-hating, wanna-be hawaiian, prick.
to quote communist sen. no-balls :“I thought it strange to send a Jewish woman into a Muslim country — the religious differences are such, I don’t know how she would be effective. She is really showing some insensitivity.”
from the article: “Lingle passed out 50 “care packages” to Hawaii soldiers and letters to the troops from students in three classes at Kailua Elementary School.
how would she be effective? easy. 1)take the letters out of the bag. 2) hand them to the soldiers. 3) smile for the camera.
sen. douche-bag, how much insensitivity is she showing ? did she respond to legitimate request for comment by typing them in a different language and insinuating that only your haole opinion matters ?
one last thing sen. holier than thou, what does the j. stand for in j. kalani english ?
i’m betting it’s not hawaiian. oh yeah, fuck you. i’m first in line for the speed bagging.
February 12th, 2004 at 16:55
Holy cow.
Remind me one more time not to piss off the Corcoran Collective.
February 12th, 2004 at 17:14
This thing has gotten so good, I had to post a little summary…
February 12th, 2004 at 17:49
I have no idea whether the good senator is Hawaiian (ethnically) or not. I was just observing the tendency on the part of Hawaiian (geographically) politicians to try to add all kinds of racial identity to themselves even if they have none to claim, a la John Kerry and his miraculous Oirishness during election years. In his picture on his website he looks lighter than me after a day of golfing. The area he represents is mostly rural (Lanai, Molokai, upcountry Maui), and therefore he must emphasize how Hawaiian he is, hence the Kalani part. I, too, wonder what the J. stands for. John? Joseph? Jaime? Who knows? I know many people who live in the islands and name their daughters Leilani or Nani. I met the whitest man ever at a golf course whose name was Kemoo. I can e-mail anyone a lengthy screed in Italian, German, Romanian, Latin, or Ancient Greek (though I’d have to download a new font set), yet I am none of these things. I still smell haole.
February 12th, 2004 at 18:25
Well, you certainly know what they smell like more than I would, but based on the pseudo-resume at this site, well… If he’s faking, he’s been faking for a good long while:
February 12th, 2004 at 18:38
Aight, he may be Hawaiian, but he’s still an anti-semite. He can only have it one way. Is he kamaaina or one of the tribe? Let’s here a Jew (or Jewess) respond about this.
February 12th, 2004 at 18:39
I typed ‘hear’, but the computer gremlin who resides in my keyboard made me look illiterate by making ‘here’ appear on the screen.
February 12th, 2004 at 18:55
Oh don”t get me wrong.
If he’s gonna play the native card he’s got no business spouting that "I’m actually 0.0000000382% Jew and I think my governor is an ignorant whore." crap.
February 12th, 2004 at 19:18
Holy Shit, I am never going to dinner again! I missed way too much good stuff!.
I was disappointed when the translation came out that it responded only to the Hawaiian issue. The statement made by the Senator is I think based on a false assumption. That assumption being the Governor went on some sort of Jesse Jackson “Peace in the Middle East” junket.
From the article it seems to me she went to give support (Literally, not just saying, I Support …) to the troops stationed there. Hers was a gesture of, We back home are thinking about you, care about you, here are some tokens to remind you of home. The Army is a big part of Hawaiian life, she went out of her way to see the 25th ID, stationed in Hawaii from all over the USA.
Her religion and the religion of the “natives” have no bearing on this. She was not there to negotiate with the Iraqi’s. (Even if she were, if she is qualified, she is the best to send, you send her.)
The statements made were a political maneuver from my view. I truly hope the Senator can explain his thinking.
February 12th, 2004 at 19:19
As for Da Kine’s first comment, I can easily be reached at Shay (at) Kinshay.com, does that make me arrogant too?
February 12th, 2004 at 19:31
You are arrogant, but not for that reason. What I was implying was more of a 1950s-era ‘How about that?’, i.e. it was so evident that once viewed it made complete and total sense. Even I am confused now.
February 12th, 2004 at 19:42
I read it the same way Shay did, but now I see what your were going for.
I can also be found via jake [at] jakesutton.com…
February 16th, 2004 at 3:31
#73 on Google search for “Kalani English”?
Kinshay.com: Sen. Kalani English said he thought it sent the wrong message. “I … I
nominate Mr. Kalani English for a testicle speedbagging. As …
How can we get it to pop up #3 or #4?
February 18th, 2004 at 11:52
I am appalled by the comments from Sen. Anglish. He and his ‘life partner’ should head for San Fran and solidify their common law marriage cuz he ain’t doin noth’n productive for the sovereign state of Hawai’i. Where do I sign up or take a number for the speedbag session. Oh by the way, now that Mr. Limbaugh and Sen. English have paved the way, there is something else I need to say. I feel that the NFL, NBA, WNBA, and The National Boxing Federation show have done injustices to the sports by having Caucasian referees and officials in predominantly black sports. I’m boycotting Sal’s (till they get some brothers on the wall, Denny’s (for obvious reasons), Texaco (why not)…and well everything. It is now probably easier for me to send a list of establishments that I am not boycotting.
February 24th, 2004 at 15:42
Heh… Haoles…
July 17th, 2005 at 20:28
[...] e dates, the comments from My Governor Can Kick Your Governor’s Ass still show upD-Nice: I am appalled [...]