Corcoran Brothers

If you like Deadwood and haven’t seen Deadwood Pancakes, then check it out.  I’ve seen it five times, and it gets funnier each time.

Imagine my surprise when I saw this:

It will come as no surprise that the residents of a city known as “The Nation’s Watering Hole” like to have a beer or two.

But Milwaukee isn’t just your average brewing town. It’s the hardest-drinking city in America, according to Forbes.com’s ranking of America’s Drunkest Cities…

Each city was ranked in five areas: state laws, number of drinkers, number of heavy drinkers, number of binge drinkers and alcoholism…

Coming in second on our list is another chilly metro: Minneapolis-St. Paul. The twin cities ranked No. 2 for adults who reported having had a drink in the last month, No. 3 for binge drinkers and No. 12 for heavy drinkers.

Rounding out the top five drunkest cities are Columbus, Ohio; Boston; and Austin, Texas.

What the frig is going on here?  We get beaten by Milwaukee, Minneapolis, and Columbus, Ohio?  Screw that shit! You all better get some Hahpoon, Sammy, or even Jinro and begin the work required to get us into the numbah 1 spot!

(I’m not drunk, but the post is about drinking, hence the title.)

So there’s been fuck all entertainment worth a damn over the last few…months, or so.  Here’s some stuff that is worth your time:

Little Miss Sunshine: it is my favorite movie to see in a theater that has come out this fiscal year.  Steve Carrell is brilliant, Alan Arkin made me almost poop myself, and the little kid in it has a future in the biz.  What’s it about?  Hard to say.  Disfunctional family that goes to extreme length to get their awkward daughter to a beauty pageant.  It also slags off families who take part in that nonsense.

Stargate SG1: The 200th episode (entitled, cleverly, “200″) is the best hour of television I’ve e’er seen.  I watched it three times and am considering watching it again.  Basically, it is a skit show where they make fun of the actors, writers, producers, fans, Firefly fans, Star Trek…pretty much anything that me and my ilk would be into.  For the second runthrough, Courtney and I paused at every inside joke to discuss for 3-5 seconds, and it took us two hours to get to the end.

Deadwood: The best drama on TV.  Shield, Lost, and BSG all tie for second.  Gerald McRaney should get some sort of Emmy, as should Ian McShane. Who knew Major Dad could be evil?  His character Hearst is, and it shows how good his chops are that he can go from one extreme to t’other. The season finale is next week, so get caught up with a quickness.

GAA: Irish sports are pissah.  Everyone knows that Hurling is the fastest team sport on earth, but Senior (Gaelic) Football is pretty frigging good, too.  It is so multi-dimensional and asymmetrical that I am thinking of writing a paper comparing American Football to the Air-Land Battle Doctrine and Hurling to counterinsurgency operations. Cork is in the hunt for the All Ireland in both sports, as far as I know, but I think they played football yesterday and may have been eliminated.  I have a jersey on the way.  It was dear, but it was worth it.

Cribbage: always entertaining.  Pick up a cool board and rock the cribbone.

The Office and Punk’d had a baby, and it’s called Dog Bites Man. Jump on the train before it leaves the station.

If’n you liked DJ Dangermouse’s Grey Album then there’s a good chance you’ll like Gnarls Barkley’s St. Elsewhere. They are nothing alike, but they have the same vibe and that.

You into Ricky Gervais? If not, why? Check out the podcasts, then check out the video podcasts, you plonker.

Ortizzle in the Heezy is in full effect. Get your friends and family into the game or they’ll hate you after finding out about this sweetness from the postman.

Napoleon Dynamite is funny the second time through. Hell, I didn’t like it when I was stuck in Kuwait with nothing else to do and couldn’t even finish that mug.

I ain’t drunk, but I’m trying to write like I am. FTW!

* Now with enhanced linkitude

I’m betting if’n da kine did have his wee rollover and was still there, shit never woulda gotten lost.

New York Daily News - Entertainment - In Iraq, James sees action
“All those people know they could be me,” {ed - Jesse} James said. “I’m one of them. That’s why I went over there to build a custom car. I’m not like a musician. I can’t go over and play songs. I can go over and weld stuff.”

It’s James’ second trip to Iraq. He visited just after the war started in 2003. This trip took a bit of planning, since he had to bring virtually everything needed to build the car to the base. For added hassles, the stuff got lost - and found - in Kuwait.

A long, long time ago, I was watching the Kennedy Center Awards, where JC was getting a lifetime achievement award of some kind. Wyclef Jean got up and performed “Delia’s Gone” and I lost my shit, as I have mad love for Wyclef, too. I soon stole located an MP3 of the performance on teh internets and have had it ever since.

Cut to five minutes ago. I was listening to my iTunes on random, and up popped Wyclef singing about Johnny Cash holding his Glock. Hey, thought I, mayhaps someone has posted it on YouTube. They have. You’re welcome.

This shit be scary.  But fascinating.  It’s safe for work.

I already talked to Sean about this, but I’m not done venting, so I’m opening it up for everyone.

My second Tivo somehow got tuned to MTV, and when I flipped onto it, there was a show airing called My Super Sweet 16. Never mind the use of the numeral rather than writing out the word “sixteen” in the title (which I find gauche). This show made me want to punch a frigging wall.

Long story shoht, the concept behind this thing is as follows: some rich parents spend stupid amounts of money for their daughters’ sixteenth birthday parties.  The exposition prior to the party details the ridiculous amount of spoiling that these little douchebags receive from their “loving” parents.

The one I saw five minutes of took place in New Hampshire of all places, and some filthy little rich beyatch wanted a toga party for all of her wee rich beyatch friends, and was mad pissed at her townie father for saying he wouldn’t get her a car for her birthday present. He gave her the choice of a lavish party or a car, and she chose the former, but thought it was unfair that she couldn’t have both. Her pops sounded like he was from Southie or someplace, and I can just imagine that he made it big with a plumbing company and fled to the suburbs of NH so that his children could live well.

I can’t go into too much detail because my brain will burst with hatred, but this little femschmuck had a lavish party, with ice sculpture, a tailored toga, hundreds of guests, and all this shit that cost well north of 100Gs, and her dad gets her a Mercedes to boot.  Holy Christ, I’m pissed just thinking about it!

Beware: filthy language to follow.

Bottom line at the end: what does any parent who is fucking stupid enough to do this for their child think they are accomplishing?  What are their motivations?  Do they think the spoiled rotten kid will love them more? Do they think their waste-o-oxygen children will grow up well-adjusted and become a useful member of society?  If you spend more than a couple hundred bucks on a party for anything prior to college, then you are an idiot.  If you are rich, and let your child flaunt your net worth, than they will 100% (to quote Sean) become a filthy cunt as an adult.

Please, for the love of all things good and holy, someone explain to me why the fuck these parents are so fucking stupid and why they are raising a generation of conformist consumeristic morons who don’t know who the POTUS is, but know that Celebrity X was wearing Burberry at the Oscars, with matching Gucci thingamabobs! Help me, please.

BSG is arguably the greatest sci-fi show in history. So this news is either really good or really bad:

SCI FI Channel announced the development of Caprica, a spinoff prequel of its hit, Battlestar Galactica, in presentations to advertisers in New York on April 26. Caprica would come from Galactica executive producers Ronald D. Moore and David Eick, writer Remi Aubuchon (24) and NBC Universal Television Studio.

Caprica would take place more than half a century before the events that play out in Battlestar Galactica. The people of the Twelve Colonies are at peace and living in a society not unlike our own, but where high technology has changed the lives of virtually everyone for the better.

But a startling breakthrough in robotics is about to occur, one that will bring to life the age-old dream of marrying artificial intelligence with a mechanical body to create the first living robot: a Cylon. Following the lives of two families, the Graystones and the Adamas (the family of William Adama, who will one day become the commander of the Battlestar Galactica), Caprica will weave together corporate intrigue, techno-action and sexual politics into television’s first science fiction family saga, the channel announced.

It could be wicked pissah, or it could be Joanie Loves Chachee. I’m wagering on the former, but it means that the same crew that makes BSG has to be directly involved in both shows to make sure they remain the pissahest.

In other awesome news, a certain Ms. Morena Baccarin will be on Stargate SG-1 next season. Hiyoooo!

Anyone seen the ads for the Toyota Yaris? Supposably, this mug (a hybrid) will be less than 12K, and get 40 mpg. These are the ads from Prison Break I’m quoting. Any time Dominic Purcell is associated with something, I get lightheaded, since that bastid is the definition of heteroshanehot (he looks like he can kick my ass, and his stuff is symmetrical). It gets 40+ mpg, according to the ads, and that is hot.
I converted a Korean kid to Jinro. I was at Foodland (the Shaws of Hawaii) two weeks ago, and the cashier axed me what this Jinro stuff I was buying was all about. I told him it was a grain alcohol that slightly mimicked sake, bur was of Korean origin, and it gets you hammid secretly with little hangover. To my shock, when I went today to pick up some candy, the same kid (I say kid, but he is prolly 25) said, “Oh, da kine Jinro is soooo ono. I got mad wasted and did no puke. Tanks for da kine recommendation.” My shame is complete.

Anyone who hasn’t gotten into It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia should be ashamed. It’s like Arrested Development had a baby with South Park. Torrent that fucker if you need to. It’s awesome.

Big Love took a while to come around, but it’s pretty pissah now. To reiterate my point about homelessness, but with polygamy (or polyandry) as the example: don’t fuck with how people live their lives. If you think polygamy=child abuse, then prosecute someone for child abuse, not polygamy, not marrying in a way that conflicts with your (modern) Judeo-Christian antics, er, values.